In the mood for blogging

I'm feeling so many things, but not able to let it all out. When writing seems to be the only way out, I can't find words to describe them.

I always think being able to write is cool. This idea gets even stronger when Carrie Bradshaw suddenly looks especially cool with her old apple notebook. I like reading, thus an ex boyfriend told me that I should try writing. I, on the hope that he was right about his proposition that anybody who like reading must be able to write well, did not jump to start my writing attempt, always with the feeling of not-in-the-mood-yet.

The truth is, I think writers are born. And if I were born to be one, I didn't need to wait for any special moment to start writing. So it was a matter of confidence, because I didn't to find it out at last that I can't really be a good writer. But even so, I was still obssesed with it. I tried many times to write diaries but never managed to have more than three posts.

And so I started this blog. In fact it was more for my friend Tisha, whom I knew is a damn good writer, that I started to explore blogging. And then we each created our own blogs, because I thought it wouldn't be fair for her if we both do posting with such a wide gap in quality of the posts, for one same blog hihihi.... Afterwards more of my friends strated up their blogs too.

Soon I found out that I lack of talent. Although my mind has always been full of imaginations I couldn't really express them well in writing. I also have some kind of barrier which prevent me from putting everything in blacks on whites. Meanwhile Jo-Ann was doing great with her poetry blog and got invited to the US to read out some of her works. Nyai's was also so rich in content I couldn't believe she's not starting her writing career professionally!

I decided (like I said in one of the previous posts) to stop blogging. For quite a long time I did not even have a slight intention to do it again. But then somehow I got it back. For some times I had every now and then ideas to write, but didn't have time to really sit and write them up. Only this couple of days that I finally do it. But this is it, finally I realize that I can't really "write". My stuff is always very so-so and shallow.

Recently I just edited my thesis as it will be published in a public finance journal (it's just a matter of luck, believe me!). In the process I realize how poor it was, I just wish that the committee won't scrutinize it deep enough to recognize its substandard quality hahaha... (I can't wait to spend the money, you see hehe)

Anyway, blogging for this past couple of days has been fun. It actually released me of "kibun-ga-warui", not to call it stress hehe...