Saturday, October 03, 2009

Different styles of courting, are there?

Recent dating guides I (happen to :p) read has one red thread (benang merah), which is: men are simple. There are no such thing as mixed signs. If it's mixed (to our mind) then most likely it only exists in our mind. Men are either yes or no, and it should be easy to tell.

But is it really so?

I have personal experience when somebody said I am not his type (twice, as a matter of fact), as a respond to my friend's initiative to ask him about me -since they knew I had a crush on him-, but since a wrong sms I accidentally sent to him, he finally changed his mind (or simply just opened to the truth that actually he liked me). Btw, this guy is Indonesian.

And then now, my roommate shoo-ed me to go out and respond to this Japanese guy's constant-cordial invitation, out of the reason that he might be actually courting me. I am not interested in having relationship with him, it's not the point here, but I'm interested to see where this is leading.

One of my friend said those books (movies including: He's just not that into you, and recently seen: Ugly Truth), are all made in America. And so it explains only American men's behaviors. Well, who actually knows :D

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

What is called stylish recently

After a while blogwalking to some fashion blogs. I conclude that what defines style recently, among others, are:

1. vintage stuff: difficult definition (I'm sure we can always go to wikipedia, but I'm just to lazy this time). So perhaps it is a piece that would bring one's memory to the past, looking stylishly old (not the general classic-kinda thing).

2. thrifted stuff: pieces from second hand shops, flea market etc. It's stylish partly I guess because of the recent eco-awareness. Also, some of stylistas thinks thrifted stuffs would allow them a discretionary against current trend, or to acquire their own personal style. As I blogwalk more and more, the trend is evident.

4. Do-It-Yourself (DIY): almost all stylistas do some DIYs. It requires creativity, and sometimes they are amazing.

5. Color clash mix and match: matchy-match color combo is not acceptable currently. Some goes to the point of hurting the eyes, but some manages to simply stand out.

6. Layering. It's not only in Japan anymore.

7. Current hypes include: geeky glasses, vintage dresses, blazers, tights and all kinds of leggings and socks, ankle boots and pump shoes that covers up to the ankle (dunno the exact term), underwear garment-inspired (like the one worn often by Dita von Teese and singer Katy Perry), various kinds of hairpiece (usually goes with the one mentioned previously, results in an appearance of a cabaret dancer), belts (big, medium, small, wearing belts defines waist), clutch.

Note: most of the current hypes do not suit me, but nevermind, I'm having fun just observing


Monday, August 24, 2009

My personal note induced by the terrorist bombing

I miss the old Indonesian way

I remember I used to secretely admire my mother when she was fixing herself in front of the mirror getting ready for a wedding reception. She would be wearing a set of kebaya[1], with the old fashion traditional hair do of gelungan[2]. That was like 20 years ago, nobody I know is doing that now.

I was born in Kediri, a middle size town in East Java, with cool breeze and delicious food specialties. In our nearby mosque I had my afternoon religion school after morning public school. Houses from where one could clearly hear adzan[3] would all be gravitated towards this mosque for a lot more activities than just for prayers. Especially, Ramadhan was really fun. People would organize themselves to bring foods in turn for ta’jilan[4]. I don’t know why the ta’jilan foods always tasted better than foods at home. My mother joined pengajian[5], which seemed to be fun with art-related activities, such as qasidah and barzanzi.

Then we moved to Solo, bigger city where my father was born. A unique city later I know is full of contradictions. I still continued the old habit of going to ordinary public school in the morning and religion school in the afternoon for some times. But the teacher and the teaching are different. My citing for prayers would then become different than that of my parents’. Other things changed too. We are not allowed to celebrate weton[6], nyewu[7], and so on, because that would be bid’ah[8] some said.

When I was in my high school, religious student group in school was getting more influencing. So I refrained from participating in sport class when they scheduled swimming. I stopped greeting Christmas to my Christian friends, because the Islamic student group launched boycott against those things. Following these I felt like I was doing something "right" according to the religion. Religion equals God I thought, so I felt the "ghirah", spirit/enthusiasm.

My aunt on the other hand, was another kind of Solonese. I lived with her for one year or so, so I noticed she was not doing 5 times a day prayers. She was a Batik painter, and she wore kebaya and jarit[9] on daily basis. She referred God as the one who’s painting red to chilies (and I thought it was amazingly true). She was fasting in different way, not necessarily during Ramadhan like us, and she hung a calendar from Pangestu[10]. She was a really kind, gentle and loving person. But still, since we thought she was not like us, we used to feel sad about her.

Last year my big family went to Taman Mini[11], and we watched a 3-dimensional movie in Keong Mas made in 80’s. There I could not help but thinking how different we had become. We have changed so much from the 80's Indonesia. Not only the development in the infrastructure, thank God we do have it some, but we also changed the way we dress, and the way we see people around us. Nobody wears traditional clothes anymore, we even criticize about school keeping in the backward culture when they insist children to wear kebaya during Kartini day[12].

Year by year this nation is changing. I was hoping that the change somehow would lead to something more substantial, the behavior. Yet I am seeing only changing in physicality, in clothes. We still rank top in corruption, we are still consumer and not producer, not even a smart follower, of world’s culture. If we used to complain against blind "westernization", I wonder why we should feel differently for the same thing of "middle-easternization" we are having now. We used to learn in elementary school how beautiful and rich Indonesia is. A country of friendly society and a unity in diversity. I want to be able to live in that beautiful notion again.

[1] Traditional Javanese style costume
[2] Traditional Javanese style of hair do
[3] Calling for 5 times-a-day prayer
[4] Food served in mosque for breaking Fast
[5] Religious study group/Quran reading group
[6] Birthday in Javanese calendar system
[7] 1000th day commemoration after one’s passed away
[8] Syncretism (?)
[9] A traditional batik cloth usually worn as bottom pair of kebaya.
[10] A Javanese spiritualism group, who practice monotheism but is not referred to any modern/mainstream religion
[11] Miniature Park of Indonesia
[12] A commemoration of Kartini birthday, who pioneered women emancipation in Java. A Muslim, dresses in traditional Javanese costume. On Kartini day, students used to hold festival and dress in various Indonesian ethnic clothes.

After a long while

After a looong long hiatus, I feel like I want to utilize this spot again. I have been having on and off relationship with this spot. Sometimes I feel like deleting it, but then at the same time I don't want to let it go. It's my first blog, and more importantly it had been recording a few but important scenes in my life.

From now, I intend to utilize this spot for opinion-related material. Things I feel like I need to say personally about something that happened outside. Or if it has to be a personal experience, I hope that what's written here would have something a bit useful (be it interesting, inspiring, or note-worthy) for others. While for more random personal posts, I will keep it in a journal here

Welcome myself again :-)

PS: I am planning to change the title though. But until I find a really mind-catching one, I will have to bear with this one.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

I finally found the one

My perfect pair of glasses hihi ... I finally found it ;-)

Referring to the metaphor my friend quoted from a J-Dorama she is watching, Taxi vs True Love, I can also say that finding your true love is like finding a well-fitted pair of glasses. I have also written my comparison between true love and jacket before, here. See, I have a tendency to compare everything with love quest, a pathetic romantic of me.

Like my friend said, to find a true love, wait for a taxi, or search for an ideal pair of glasses, you need to be in the right place. I found my glasses in an old optical shop called J Boellard at Cikini, to which my doctor referred as an "accurate" glass-maker (is there a specific term for this?). She specifically warned me not to try Mangdu*, which I couldn't agree more, since I've wasted 5 pairs of Mangdu's glasses before (I used to be a Mangdu enthusiast;-p). Moral of the story is, don't try to find a prospective love in Mangdu hehehe, jk.

In any case, you need to assess first the type of stuffs, or men (now I sound like a desperate man-hunter or what;-p), you like to find, and then search for them in appropriate places. For my glasses, I didn't have any clue what type of glasses would be suitable to my face, so I just tried all that I found interesting in the shop, considering anything there would be technically viable. Now, unfortunately I can't do that with men, can I? But at least now I know I should stop hoping for an accidental meet-cute** in my daily angkot and mikrolet*** trips, hihihi ;-)


Apologize for too many stars:

* Shortened from "Mangga Dua", it's a famous shopping center, in which you can find anything at bargained price
** A term I found in "Holiday" the movie, for which you can find the meaning here
*** A share taxi similar to jeepney in the Philippines, but not that iconic

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Heart of the Matter

"I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again
I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Even if, Even if you don't love me anymore"

Those are the rhythm I've been humming for days now, particularly the 2 last lines :-P. And I was startled when I found that the song was originally by Don Henley. How can a guy sing my heart out so truly. Anyway, I like India Arie's version obviously, but I am certainly smiling on the fact that guys can actually get to sing those words too. Bravo!!

I am so gonna sing this out in my room

Monday, July 07, 2008

The After-essence of the Ruins

Another favorite quote for me from Sex and the City the Movie is: "twenties are for making mistakes and thirties are for paying for the mistakes ... " or something like that (so lazy to make research for the exact words right now), which is so true for me.

I have realized it even before hearing that line in the movie. No regrets nor substantial complaints were therefore justified for myself during the aftermath of my "true love turned disaster". I've never considered it disaster anyway until recently (but I'd better not record the details because bad memories are not worth remembering). Funny thing is, I don't feel that much anger nor hatred. My overwhelming feeling was more of a relief. No more asking what did I do not to deserve him, etc. Admittedly I have made mistake, probably the biggest one in my life and will just accept the consequence of paying for it.

While paying for the mistake, I am actually learning unbelievably valuable lessons. As Jo-Ann indicated for her new relationship, whatever the result no time is wasted because lessons are learned through it, I hope it applies for me too. One good lesson I have figured out was how to open my heart, to accept love (despite its authenticity obviously, well it's good thing that at least I am capable of loving:-p). I have never opened my heart that wide and held so tight what I thought was the most precious thing in my life before. I may have shut my heart for a while after the break that I thought I may never be able to fall in love again, but looks like it's just like riding bike. Once you learn how to do it, you'll be able to do it again just in time needed. Now, like in riding bike, the more experience, hopefully the more you skilled with the control and balance so that there should be no more fall-out.

Another lesson I am learning is that mystical concept of acceptance and letting go. Acceptance may mean accepting that things may not necessarily happen the way we expected although we have done the best to create them. It's okay that things may not fall into their places as we expected because they actually have, simply as the way they are. It may also mean accepting our weaknesses and others'. Ahh sometimes we may even get to see the beauty of those weaknesses dear, promise*!. And then, letting go will just be the other side of the coin. Let go what must go out of your hold (of course I am talking about much more important objects than my cellphone I just lost recently:-p**).

It's certainly much2 easier said that done, and it probably will take years or even my whole life before I get my aha! moment, but I hope I have made a good start.


* With Tisha's convincing tone, hello dear (hugs)
** This is my announcement that I won't be using my old GSM number any longer. On the ground that I don't wanna put my number in public spot, reach me, if you happen to have (otherwise I will be the one to reach you) through my other number, my friends.