Winter

Getting Started...oh Not Yet:(

Less sleep, hard thinking and a little party with good food and nice friends exhausted me the day before. Today, waking up at 9.30, with a pile of assignments to be done still couldn't make me get started. So here I am, writing HERE (instead of my term papers or my you-know-what-with-the-first-letterT) again... gosh!

Maybe I will busy myself with my domestic chores instead, that's I guess what most of us do when we don't know what to do but we don't want to relax also. But why wouldn't someone want to relax? I guess relax is a state of mind, not a physical activity. So eventhough you're not doing anything it doesn't mean you are relaxing. But when you're in the middle of something busy, can your mind relax? My GOD...this is nonsense, you deserve doing other things than reading this.

The Anti-Love

The title doesn't mean I'm now against love, I will never be. I just suddenly think about the other side of being in love, being detached from love. Now, I believe everybody has the experience of this, you, me, my best friends... Well hello (tisha's tone, red), even Brad Pitt is breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, isn't he? or are they getting back together? anyway...

Although usually even before the judgement day (being too exaggerating!) we've been seeing the signs, and probably enduring the pain or the uncomfortable feelings, yet when it finally happens it may still strike you as a samourai (again, too dramatic...;p) . The first 5 hours, or 5 days... or 5 something.. is like the digestion stage. We try to absorb the fact, pick up the pieces that might left unnoticed, which just may explain why it is happening. We think and think as if we do it hard enough we may find the true answer, or the solution, or the way out, or anything...

And then probably some people go through the denial stage. If you were the one who made the decision, you may seek excuses that you didn't mean to hurt anybody, you were just being honest or you may also say he/she deserves better than you. And if you were the one who is affected you may say you were not even sure anyway or that he/she was not worth it, or you would find better one and such and such...

But eventually, I would say we grow stronger from those experiences. Just like Tisha said, in the end you would only remember the good things. That you were once in love, enjoy your life, and even when you see those sad moments it seems beautiful from a different angle. Then you realize that life is so rich and fascinating because it has the colors of all the subtle changes in your feelings, the happiness and also the sadness.

--yr--

Love and Jacket

When I first wrote my posting here, my friend Jo-Ann protested that there were no element of love there in my first writing, considering I have love beside life and rhythm in the title. But you see, I can't write about love, especially my love life, properly... probably not until I settle it down properly hhehe, because my feeling for love is always so romantic and poetic (some people will laugh ;))), but my writing style can never be such.

Yesterday I was walking to school, and the cold winter wind was striking my cheek, leaving it a natural pink (this is what I like about winter, I never have to put any blush-on ;) ). I was wearing my really warm jacket I bought just this winter, and there was I, thinking of writing here about my jacket and love. You see, I lost my favorite jacket last year just in the end of the winter. When I lost it I didn't feel that bad because I thought I can find better or at least a similar one and I was almost bored with it anyway. But when the winter was coming this year I was desperately looking for a jacket out of the fear of not having a proper comfort to protect me from the coldness, but i realized then it was not easy. The thing is actually I have so many jacket already, but none of them I really like as the one I lost. Probably you find it strange (especially for man, you may not understand) that I have such a strong feeling for a piece of cloth. Some people regard clothes just as their function, keeping you warm or cover your supposedly unseen body, but some other people (me included) consider clothes as fashion (or self) statement. Okay, anyway several times I ended up buying jackets that I thought I like (after weighing the price and my fondness toward it) but it turned out I got bored just as soon as I wore it once. And then, one time I found this one, a white thick jacket, with fur, nice material and good cut. First time I saw it I liked it already. Although the price was not cheap compared to other jackets I bought out of desperation, I was thinking that it was really pretty and looked good on me. So there I was thinking of buying or not, because this will be my last winter and I have spent quite amount on the other less charming jackets, but in the end of course I bought it.

First time I wore it, it was gratifying. It has pockets where I can put my palms in, so I don't need to buy thicker gloves, as my favorite gloves are not so sufficiently warm, they are more for fashion hehe... It also indeed looked good, so without looking at my face I look like one of those rich japanese shopping savvies (= who know how and are able to shop). Since then I have never thought of wearing my other jackets anymore (poor them, hanged idly in my dark closet). The secret is that this new jacket has the color that goes right with any color of my clothes, and also the style.

So there when I was walking to my school and thinking may be this is the feeling when you finally meet somebody right. Has everything you need (as the pockets in the jacket for me), goes right with everything you have (the color and style) , and make you (or at least think that you) look good. What a relieving feeling... ;))

--yr--

first attempt

The day that probably I will record as the most unproductive day of my life (as if I am usually productive). But I think today I have been unproductive in the most unproductive way… what a depressing phrase. First of all I have been doing nothing the whole day … physically, but worse than that my mind has also been blank, empty, condition that I would imagine when a drug addict person is on high.

Usually I feel unproductive when I associate myself with a duty that I am suppose to handle or something, well today I am unproductive in term of my you-know-what (this time with the initial T), but the depressing thing is that I also did not do anything else, as the food to eat is all readily available (thanks to the very productive Tisha, my beloved super productive neighbor, I hate her!), my laundry has been done the day before and plus I have not changed many clothes these couple of days… pathetic!, no preparation needed for tomorrow NTA class, so what could I do to avoid the feeling of unproductiveness then… gosh!! I played guitar a bit but I can tell you there were no mood, no feelings and no improvement in the skill sense so I dropped it. Then I went to read a bit Tax (Taxing Ourselves by Joel Slemrod that Jo Ann cited as a light reading, she even mentioned it’s probably as light as Confession of A Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella)… on bed. And there you go, I fell asleep during time that they say is not a good time to sleep (before dusk, red). So when I woke up I felt worse, and this time I don’t know how to explain the feeling, only that it’s depressing hehehe…

Or this depressing feelings has something to do with the movie we just watched the night before, Leaving Las Vegas? Mei and Jo said they hated the movie because it’s so depressing, and I said I liked it and I was so defensive like I were the part of the production team or something. But it is true isn’t it, I mean you can’t say a movie is bad just because it doesn’t make you feel good, in short I was being objective, the movie was successfully carrying the message, a life as a drunk is so pathetic that it is understandable why being drunk is considered as a misdemeanor. But then now probably it affects me, probably I should have not defended that movie after all…. hehe… ridiculous.

It was actually the last movie we saw (we have a movie marathon party, all girls but instead of renting chick flick movies, like girls usually do, we chose all award-winning movies… try to be more intelligent ha..), the other ones were kind of feel good movies but at the same time not really light too (very good choice!). Monsoon Wedding by Mira Nair and Sliding Doors from who, I didn’t remember the director, but Gwyneth Paltrow was really adorable, either with the long hair in which life she was so miserable but she lived through the end or the extremely short hair in which life she was more fortunate but she died in the end. The good ending comes when in the miserable life she chooses to leave the a**hole and finally met the nice guy whom she would have met earlier in the other life.

In the end actually they were all good choices, although I would say it would be better if we chose another sequence. Now I feel absurd for blaming my depressing-unproductive day on a such innocent award winning film like Leaving Las Vegas. Gosh… but now I don’t know what to blame on at all… BTW this is my first piece of trash, hope next time better.