The After-essence of the Ruins

Another favorite quote for me from Sex and the City the Movie is: "twenties are for making mistakes and thirties are for paying for the mistakes ... " or something like that (so lazy to make research for the exact words right now), which is so true for me.

I have realized it even before hearing that line in the movie. No regrets nor substantial complaints were therefore justified for myself during the aftermath of my "true love turned disaster". I've never considered it disaster anyway until recently (but I'd better not record the details because bad memories are not worth remembering). Funny thing is, I don't feel that much anger nor hatred. My overwhelming feeling was more of a relief. No more asking what did I do not to deserve him, etc. Admittedly I have made mistake, probably the biggest one in my life and will just accept the consequence of paying for it.

While paying for the mistake, I am actually learning unbelievably valuable lessons. As Jo-Ann indicated for her new relationship, whatever the result no time is wasted because lessons are learned through it, I hope it applies for me too. One good lesson I have figured out was how to open my heart, to accept love (despite its authenticity obviously, well it's good thing that at least I am capable of loving:-p). I have never opened my heart that wide and held so tight what I thought was the most precious thing in my life before. I may have shut my heart for a while after the break that I thought I may never be able to fall in love again, but looks like it's just like riding bike. Once you learn how to do it, you'll be able to do it again just in time needed. Now, like in riding bike, the more experience, hopefully the more you skilled with the control and balance so that there should be no more fall-out.

Another lesson I am learning is that mystical concept of acceptance and letting go. Acceptance may mean accepting that things may not necessarily happen the way we expected although we have done the best to create them. It's okay that things may not fall into their places as we expected because they actually have, simply as the way they are. It may also mean accepting our weaknesses and others'. Ahh sometimes we may even get to see the beauty of those weaknesses dear, promise*!. And then, letting go will just be the other side of the coin. Let go what must go out of your hold (of course I am talking about much more important objects than my cellphone I just lost recently:-p**).

It's certainly much2 easier said that done, and it probably will take years or even my whole life before I get my aha! moment, but I hope I have made a good start.


* With Tisha's convincing tone, hello dear (hugs)
** This is my announcement that I won't be using my old GSM number any longer. On the ground that I don't wanna put my number in public spot, reach me, if you happen to have (otherwise I will be the one to reach you) through my other number, my friends.